This is my list for you. It’s a list of all the things you’ve ever done to hurt me. There have been so many times that I don’t even know if I can remember them all, but I need to write them down. I need to write them down in order to remember how much you hurt me. Every time I miss you, every time I want to talk to you, I need to remember this list, and I need to remember the suffering you caused me, and I need to stop; I need to stop missing you, and wanting you. I need to let you go.
The list:
1. When you lied to me about L for 3 months. You slept with her when we had just started and lied to me about it until I finally forced the truth out of you.
2. B – texting her and sending her pictures, and hooking up with her when we were basically together. Especially the night after you visited me in the library.
3. L – hooking up with her, lying about it, finally admitting to it, and never admitting that you actually slept with her and didn’t only make out with her.
4. Transferring. Leaving me, and not caring.
5. Refusing to fight for our relationship; not caring about me enough to do long distance
6. Sleeping with some 30 year old woman a couple nights before my birthday
7. Coming to visit me and then telling me that you no longer had feelings for me and REALLY liked another girl
8. Sleeping with me before you told me you didn’t have feelings for me
9. Texting another girl while talking to me
10. Talking to K when you knew how much it hurt me, and how much she hurt me, and saying that it was my fault for seeing the worst in everyone
11. For telling me that I never tried to enjoy anything in my life
12. For telling me I am not a good friend when all I have EVER done is been an amazing friend to you, and treated you better than anyone ever will.
13. For leaving me that night. For not caring about the fact that I was sobbing, and just storming out.
14. For talking to me about her and thinking that it was okay. For not thinking about the fact that it killed me to hear it. And for not telling me about her in the first place.
15. For not loving me the way I love you. For never caring about me as much as you should.
16. Leading me on. Telling me you loved me when you knew how I felt about you. And having me later realise you only meant as a friend.
17. For destroying me. For leaving me to pick up my own pieces. You hurt me so bad that I don’t know if I will ever recover.
18. The night you yelled at me “I REALLY like this girl okay?! ME AND YOU ARE DONE!” without thinking about how much it will hurt my feelings.
19. For breaking your promise and leaving on Saturday.
20. For walking away.
21. For making me feel like you were using me for sex by telling me that you didn’t have feelings for me anymore but that I was a “good friend” that you were attracted to
22. For making me fall in love with you…
GirlWithTheBrokenSmile 